When you are thinking about what to do when you find yourself getting behind on your mortgage payments, the first place to start is to determine how much your current home is costing you. That may sound obvious – it’s just your current mortgage amount, right? Not exactly. You need to add up all the “extras” that you need to, or are currently choosing to pay, as part of living where you are. Here’s a list of home and home-related costs to tally up:

Monthly mortgage amount:

Homeowner’s insurance:

Homeowner’s/condo association fees:

Property tax:

Utilities:

Home repair/maintenance fees:

Landscaping/yardwork:

TOTAL:

Compare that amount with your current income. Do your mortgage and housing-related expenses add up to more than 40 percent of your family’s income? It might quickly become clear why your current home is putting you in a financial pinch.

If you’re at the point where you’re getting behind on your mortgage payments and realizing that you need help, consider taking the following steps:

Contact your lender. While you may be afraid or embarrassed to face this situation head on, the truth is that most lenders WANT to work with you. They have a financial stake in seeing you avoid foreclosure – it can cost lenders up to 20 percent of the remaining principal balance on the property to foreclose. Lenders want their money back – not a physical home to have to resell.

Do not ignore your lenders’ letters or calls. If you can’t make your mortgage payment, or you can’t make the total mortgage payment amount, contact your lender immediately. Technically your mortgage is in default when you have not made your payment by close of business the day it’s due. Lenders can begin the foreclosure process anytime after that point. The good news, however, is that most lenders want to avoid foreclosure and will work with you to do so. In fact the secondary mortgage market associations Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac as well as the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) require their mortgage companies to work with borrowers to avoid foreclosure if at all possible.

It is your responsibility to get in touch as soon as possible with your lender and let them know that you want to remain current on your mortgage but you may need help. Your lender will probably put you in touch with a workout specialist in their Loss Mitigation or Loss Recovery Department. Be prepared to explain why you can’t make the payment, how much income you’re currently making and what your other monthly expenses are. Keep a record of when you call and who you talk to and follow up each phone conversation with a letter if possible, keeping a copy for yourself. Make sure that you don’t send any payments in before receiving signed documents from your lender. Fraudulent collection agents have been known to contact homeowners posing as a lender’s workout specialist but they are really just going to collect their commission from your check and allow the foreclosure proceedings to continue. By signing the mortgage note you are legally responsible for repaying your mortgage loan, so make sure that you’re taking the initiative to work with your lender’s office and don’t wait for them to be in touch with you.

Stay in the home. If you abandon the home and don’t make your payments, your bank will assume that you are not able or wiling to maintain the mortgage and they will foreclose quickly so they can re-sell the home and minimize their losses.

Get legal advice or professional help. Possible sources of help are your neighborhood legal services office, a bar association panel of pro bono attorneys or local programs who provide legal assistance for the disabled, elderly or poor. Don’t be rushed to sign anything, especially if you feel someone is pushing you to file for bankruptcy or to allow foreclosure to happen before you understand and have considered all your options.

Contact a local housing counseling agency. These agencies offer help free of charge and can provide you with information on local services and programs that may be of help to you. Click here for a list of U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) approved counseling agencies.

Pay your mortgage first. It’s your choice, but if keeping your home is a high priority, you may want to consider making your mortgage payment first instead of other debts such as credit card payments.

Explore assistance options. A nonprofit housing agency or your lender may be able to give you information on assistance options you may qualify for. For example, you may qualify for Supplement Security Income (SSI) if you are an older homeowner, or local tax abatement programs.